Regret and Rejection
by Megwill
Summary: Brennan reflects on an internal struggle and certain choices she has made. Wrote the first chap a while ago and just saw the recent ep. which mirrored this fic. and Brennan's struggles so I decided a second chap. was needed ha.
1. Chapter 1

If you love somebody you better let it out don't hold it back, While you're trying to figure it out don't be timid, don't be afraid to hurt. Run toward the flame run toward the fire and hold on for all your worth, cause the only real pain a heart can ever know is the feeling of regret when you don't let your feelings show. So did you say it? Did you mean it? Did you lay it on the line? Did you make it count? Ddi you look em' in the eye and did they feel it? Did you say it in time? Did you say it out loud? Cause if you did hon' then you lived some and that feeling inside…that's called satisfied. –Jewel "Satisfied"

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Regret and Rejection

As Booth and I sit on the steps of the Lincoln memorial he just returning from Afghanistan and I from Maluku. I knew, I knew just as he did I had realized that I loved him in more than an atta boy way. Though, he pulled out his phone and I watched as the screen light up with a woman he claimed he was in a serious as a heart attack relationship with. As the phone light up the funny feeling inside my sternum changed to that of what I considered a good tingling to a dull ache. Booth believed in fate, this was what one would call a twist of fate, but I had been too late.

It didn't really hit me that I had loved him before I left for Maluku and that Angela was correct in stating we had been in a relationship just not a sexual one. Not until the night I was left alone at the Founding Fathers. Booth and Hannah went to dinner Angela and Hodgins went home to rejoice in each other and the start of a family, and I sat alone at the bar with Sid. As the weeks went on it was harder to watch Booth and Hannah together, when I knew, I knew I loved him. I tried to be happy for him, put on my best false front and helped Hannah pick out a house warming gift for him.

Though, as I lay alone at night curled up on my side staring off into my dark bedroom I remember back to the night Booth told me he knew. I saw the pain in his eyes, the hurt and the rejection. I stood in front of him watching as his heart crushed, as I crushed it. I sigh and toss and turn sleep is hard to come by lately. I miss you Booth and this, your moving on-I didn't mean it. I know my rejection hurt you, but watching you with someone else and not being able to say what I feel, I think it's harder to hold love back. You were able to let it out and at least say how you felt I still have not had that chance. I believe, no I know that the sorrow of regret is worse than the pain of rejection.

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Should I continue with one more chap? I know I should write more on A Silent Night, but I would like to leave that for a time when it can have my full attention. Cheers!


	2. Chapter 2

Ch. 2

I walk into the lab a little after midnight I had driven there after telling Booth of what I had wanted to tell him for so long on the drive to my house. I had told him just as Mika had said to do and I cried, I had cried. I had also felt just as Mika had said about the lecture and the universe, he was correct it had spoke to me. So I let my feelings out looking Booth in the eye I told him how I felt. I looked him in the eye, no regrets and opened up.

I finally broke down when the rejection came all the things he had said in front of the hoover building kept running through my head. Plus, the case and victim Laura, her lonely life. All at once everything had opened my eyes and so I had opened my heart 'laying it on the line' as Angela would have said. I had finally said it out loud in my own way I told him I loved him, only to be rejected.

I should have known better anyway I don't get to love and be loved like everyone else. I know it's my own fault I had rejected him and missed my chance, but he had said _he knew_ and now I'm confused and heart crushed. Actually, I believe I understand how a heart can break-it can stop functioning properly and while I know my heart was still functioning properly. I wasn't sure if metaphorically it was working properly as I said my world had turned upside down, Booth wasn't mine and I wasn't his like we had been before. He had said that aloud. Being with Booth had opened my eyes and heart and now, now it was too late.

"We all have our own sad story." Mika said as I ran into him and then he left to make his rounds. Oddly enough as I walk into my office I felt a feeling of...actually I'm not quite sure what it was that came over me. Though, Mika was correct in his statement we all do have some kind of sad story and at least now Booth knew how I felt. That was good I guess yes, yes it was.

At least he knew now and maybe there is hope? Hell if I had believed someone was speaking to me from beyond the grave, I could believe in hope. I wondered for a split second if I had lost my mind and "gone nuts" as Mika had said. So many things ran through my head as I stood in my office. Booth, lost chances, a twist of fate though I was too late, things I wanted so much-gone. It wasn't enough all of it, but it was what it was just as life.

Had I crossed a line? No, no I just wanted what everyone else had though all I had ended up with was hope. Yes, hope is what I have to hold onto now and only hope. While Mika was correct in stating we all have our own sad story he had forgot to remember if that makes sense, that all of our stories are not finished and the pages still beg entry. I smile to myself. "Three days for the world to turn right side up." Maybe there is hope.

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Review? Just saw the episode where Brennan tells Booth she regretted turning him down (thx Hulu I have still yet to see a new ep. on t.v) and decided I should do a Ch.2...loved Mika's character. Oh and "Maybe there is hope." is Mulder's last line in the X/F...I use to watch it in high school...wow hs ha that was forever ago. Review? Oh I posted ch. 12 for "A Silent Night". Vegas how I miss you! Reality how you suck ha!


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